The Free Agency Roundup Bonanza!

Since every other asshole in the world is predicting where each and every free agent wants to go, lets make this shit easy. I could give you a multitude of scenarios that can work out in so many ways, but let’s keep this simple. In rank are the top franchises to join in free agency, followed by who I believe will join them. I’ll follow up with their likely free agent grade, it’s that simple.

Before we begin, no one actually believes that Paul Pierce or Ray Allen are going anywhere. They might as well be pegged as Celtics for the rest of their careers. Those two, along with The Big Ticket have all of the money they’ll ever need. As long as Doc stays at the helm, those three will take a few more shots together.

Alright, let’s get this shit going…

1. Miami Heat

Reason: Two, actually. Destination and cap space. Miami simply has more money than anyone else. They also have a superstar who is dedicated to staying in South Beach. It would take a super team somewhere else to get him to move. The only way a “super-team” of him, LeBron and Bosh is happening is if they are in “Wade” county. I don’t think LeBron can go with that. However, I do think some one else just might join that mix.

Free Agents Signed: Dwyane Wade (Max Contract), Chris Bosh (Max Contract), Joe Johnson (Damn Near a Max Contract)

Grade: A

2. Chicago Bulls

Reason: When you talk about a young nucleus to build around, it doesn’t get much better than Rose as the aggressive point guard and Noah as the rebounded and defender at the center. Two obvious choices for players to sign here. They’re offense fits perfectly not only with each other but the two young building bricks already in place.

Free Agent Signings: LeBron James (Max Contract), Dirk Nowitzki (Max Contract)

Grade: A-

3. New Jersey Nets/Brooklyn Nets

Reason: Prokhorov is an exciting new owner in the league. However, his background is very shady. Although this team is clearly on the rebound from a bottoming out, they have a clear upside. Brooks Lopez is an exciting young center in the league (just like his brother) and Devin Harris could be a solid point guard. Top that cherry off with a solid #1 pick in Derrick Favors and you’ve got a nice start. That said, they’ll only sway one guy to Trenton…for now. I’ve got a strange feeling that CP3 or Carmelo wouldn’t mind riding into Brooklyn two seasons from now.

Free Agent Signing: Carlos Boozer (Max Contract)

Grade: B

4. Dallas Mavericks

Reason: One of two things can happen for Dallas, either Dirk stays completely put, or they make a sign and trade for someone solid (maybe Loul Deng or some draft picks) and let the German take his leave. Mark Cuban, for all of his complete insanity, is likely the best boss in the league. I have a feeling this guy will fit in really well there with an aging Jason Kidd and some serious front court help.

Free Agent Signing: Rudy Gay (Large Contract, but not a max)

Grade: B

5. New York Knicks

Reason: You can say anything you want about how bad the Knicks are and how stupid joining such an organization would be, but I just think the big media atmosphere can draw at least one major signing. The Knickerbockers tied their hitch to this free agent class when next year’s (With Paul and Carmelo) could be where New York truly scores a star player, for now, they’ll have to hope that this guy and D’Antoni can lead them to at least the playoffs.

Free Agent Signing: Amare Stoudemire (Max Contract)

Grade: C

6. Los Angeles Clippers

Reason: THEY ARE FUCKED. This is a basketball team in a city where the Lakers dominate EVERYTHING. This team will be moved to Las Vegas, San Diego or Seattle within 5 years. However, there’s only one person I can match with the much fail attached to him.

Free Agent Signing: David Lee (Max Contact)

Grade: F

So there you go, every major free agent and where they will land. Chicago and Miami will improve dramatically this year, while both the Knicks and Nets have the serious potential to improve nearly as well over two years. With the Celts and Magic already in the East, I hope you feel the winds of change we can see from the distance.

For, my friend, they are coming.